Cyndi Lauper’s amthem was much easier to embrace when I was 19. Now, at 49, I just want to have a good nights sleep. Hard to achieve when I’m sleeping on a couch with a dog and nocturnal cat.
I want so much more than a good nights sleep. I want to sell a house I own with my ex. I want to buy a house for me and my family. I want it to be a home. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to publish my novels. I want women to read them and feel encouraged and entertained. I want to be healthy. I want to relax.
One of my girlfriends e-mailed me that she was depressed and frustrated, largely due to politics, posturing and crap at work. I brainstormed with her on how she can make her job work for her. Cause, yeah, it’s work. You work but work has to work for you too. She e-mailed me yesterday that she made it work for her and felt fabulous.
I need to take my own advice about my life in general. I have been so focused on doing the right thing, focusing on my priorities and generally working myself into the ground trying to keep up with the endless to-do’s that must happen in order to move me and my family forward, that what little fun I’ve had over the past year has been brief and inconsistent.
As a result, I did something last night I’ve never done before and hope to never do again. I’m walking out the door to go to a concert with Mylene and I slipped two aspirin into my purse just in case I have a heart attack and need them. A heart attack. I felt that bad last night. I Google’d the symptoms. Beyond exhausted, stressed to the point on muscle cramps that were starting to freak me out. Red flag. Red flag. Reality check Malia?
As I stood and listened to Christina Perri sing I believe, these words jumped out at me,”this is not the end of me, this is the beginning. hold on, I am still alive”
Wow. That pretty much sums up my life. The end of a 25 year relationship is not going to be the end of me. This is my beginning. But, I need to hold on, because I still have several more months of transitioning to where I need to get to be settled and truly moving forward. And, I am still alive. I need to keep it that way. I need to relax and give myself a break. Not push quite so hard.
Despite my exhaustion, I left the concert tired but amazingly stress free. No headache. No muscle pain. I simply needed a break. I needed to have fun with a friend. I need to brainstorm ways my life can work for me and make it happen. Cause right now I’m working hard and I’m putting myself dead last. If something doesn’t change that figurative expression could become literal.
Every morning I receive a scripture from KLove radio. This mornings was from Proverbs. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” God knows just how important friends are. And so do I. Lets keep each other sharp girlfriends. It’s a jungle out there and I want to be ready with a good blade to wield against whatever blocks my path.